so call me captain backfire

i'm in one of my more somber moods. it might be because it's midnight and i've been awake since 5:30a. or i watched two weeks worth of dawson's creek earlier. or it's the end of the month.

whatever it is, i wish i could figure out the way to stop feeling like this.

like what, you ask?

like how i somehow manage to position myself to be the dirt that everyone walks upon. well not everyone, but certain people could say/do/think anything, and i would probably respond with open arms. because i am nice. niceness doesn't pay anything. there are no rewards for being nice. it's just something that you feel as if you should do, so maybe the good Lord above will shine down on you when your time comes.

i guess i just want to be more appreciated for the time and effort i put forth in what i do. whether that's being a friend, or a good employee, or just that girl that seems to observe everything so therefore she must have learned something. somedays i feel like i give and give and i'm not the type of person to ask for something in return, i just expect the other person to give back. some people i don't think ever give back. they are takers. take what you need and run to the next person to take more.

is anything making sense? i'm sleepy and semi-bummed, so that's my excuse.

<3