laziness

that's my reason for not posting anything in almost a week. nothing has been going on really. work all day, do some chores when you get home and go to sleep.

i haven't felt very well which might explain why i've been in a pretty crappy mood. i think the reality of different aspects of my life are starting to really sink in (i know that makes no sense to you, but it does to me) and well reality never makes a person happy.

i'm tired of who i am. i need like a lifestyle/physical/emotional makeover. do they offer those on the style network? i want new friends and new clothes and a new body to put those clothes on. i want a new city to live in. i want to think differently about things and people. i know that none of this will ever happen, but still..a girl can dream, right?

i had this dream last night that i was at a party at this girl i knew (and did not like) in high school's house. "the guy i like" went with me to this party and i have no idea what was going on but i somehow lost my shirt? and i didn't have a bra on? so i had to wander around this party with my hands over my boobs (like that prevents anyone from seeing anything). and then when i found "the guy i like," he was totally appalled and left the room. i think i fell asleep or something at the party, still topless, and "the guy i like" brought in my shirt and threw it at me and called me some awful names and stomped out. so whatever that was about. the alarm woke me up before i could get some explanation.

i spent some time before i went to bed looking at my rolls in the mirror and cursing myself. that probably is the true reason why all of that happened.

anyway...i've got to go to work and to do that, i've got to get dressed.

<3