utter confusion


i'm so sleepy today. i guess it's because i had a super long day yesterday (up at 0445 and down at 2330). i did get everything accomplished though, so woo.

i went to Memphis with the aunts yesterday. we shopped a lot. i came home with more stuff than clothes, which probably is a good thing. got some sheets and a lamp at the Pottery Barn outlet. very happy about that. now i know how to get there, i'm going to try to go more often. i love PB (and crate & barrel)...it just costs so much for shipping that it's not worth me shopping there. Plus, the nearest store is 2 hrs away (in Memphis) so it's not like i can go all the time. oh yeah, and i don't really make enough money to be decorating my apartment.

on the way home, we were on I-55 and passing the exit to Tunica (Mississippi, the closest casinos to arkansas) and my aunt who was driving made a joke about how that was our last chance to go gamble. See, they all went to Tunica Tuesday so they were saying how awful it would be if they went again that week. well i didn't get to go tues b/c of work so of course i'm saying "lets go! lets go!" and no kidding, my aunt turns around and we go to Tunica. we're not allowed to tell ANYONE we're related to b/c Grandma would get upset and i think everyone would be mad they went twice in a week. i just played (and lost) 20 bucks so it wasn't so bad. it was way crowded though. from now on, i think i'm going to stick to going to the casinos on weekday afternoons instead of saturday nights.

i have a job interview on Tuesday with Heifer International. it's a non-profit organization that helps poor countries around the world by providing them with farm animals. sounds hick, doesn't it? it's an admin 2 position, that pays about 10k more a year than i make now. i sure could use the money. i'm really nervous about the interview though. it's a "panel interview" and everyone on the panel asks questions. the HR person that called said they like to demonstrate the team environment that Heifer uses. i just think that's cruel and unusual punishment. a part of me just wants to call them tomorrow and bail. i don't think i'll get the job b/c i don't speak Spanish as well as i should. but another part of me says i should go, just so i can say i endured a panel interview and even if i bomb, it's the experience that counts. out of the six applications and resumes i sent out last week, this is the only call back i got. i'd feel awful if i didn't go to the interview.

i get super nervous before interviews. i try to be myself but i just tense up. i don't think i'm a good interviewee. i never know the answers to the questions because my mind is going 100 miles per minute thinking about other things like do i look like i would fit in here and how would i get along with this person. everything but, answer the question. and i don't know answers to questions like "what are your weaknesses in your current position?" i don't have any weaknesses, seriously! my job is like kindergarten level and i'm a college graduate. how do you explain that to someone without sounding cocky? you can't!

so yeah. i don't know what i'm going to do. i bought a pretty skirt (i can hear jaws dropping across the city) that i want to wear and a slutty white top to put with it. if i'm going to bomb this interview like the rest of them, i'm going to do it in style.

next weekend i'm going to see dave matthews! yay!

<3