the aftermath

muy depressed.

i don't know why i would be. i've never been like this after a show. i'm not sure i ever want to sit on the 2nd row again if this is how i'm going to feel afterward.

my pictures came out pretty good. they aren't as close up as i would have wished, but they are the best concert pics i've ever taken.

i'm going to spend a few days without john mayer so maybe i can get out of this funky mood.

have you ever dug out your discman and just put your headphones on and layed in bed (or in the bath, or on the couch) even though you could just as easily turn on the stereo, and it's like you're in your own place and no one can bother you and that way you can sort out your thoughts. mine obviously haven't sorted completely out, but i'm working on it. it's like i want to listen to music, but i don't want anyone else to know and even though i live alone i feel like i need to sneak around? none of that makes sense, but it sort of does to me.

ross reminded me of semisonic last night, so i've dug out one of their cds. it's taking me back to my freshman year of college. i spent a lot of time learning who i was then. first time i lived away from home. i learned how to take care of myself. i learned how to put up with a roommate that stayed up until 3am. i learned how to deal with potheads, and how i knew i never wanted to be a smoker of any sort. i fell hard for a few guys that year. strangely enough, one of those guys is getting married in a couple of weeks.

i wish i had a really good best friend that lived here, in town. i just have this need right now to talk to someone who can relate to me. i want a relationship. and i don't even *like* anyone right now, so that might be hard to come by. a part of me wants to backtrack and try to make an old relationship work. that would be really bad though. it took so much for me to get over that, and going back would be complete failure.

and blah. mike at work is all happy b/c his dream girl is finally giving in and falling for him and i'm so happy for him but i'm also so incredibly jealous. i'm tired of people getting what they want and i don't!

i'm getting this way b/c it's the freakin holiday season and i'm always bitter this time of year. all i want for christmas is a man damnit!

i did lose a few more pounds this week. the scale said a number i've never seen before at one point, but i think it was a fluke b/c i hadn't eaten in like a day and a half and i was starving. but it's still not far from that point. maybe this week i'll break new ground.

why is it that in order to impress someone, i feel like i need to be skinnier?

blah. i'm just going to flirt with people online until this mood passes. although it may be March before that happens...



this week's events to look forward to:

we're having an IT party saturday night. i'm going with larmon like usual.

i'm getting my hair restraightened sunday. yay.

last week of work before thanksgiving! lets hope i can make it all 5 days without being sick or calling in b/c i want to sleep.