old friends

do you ever wonder what happened to people that were really close to you at one point or another in your life? have you ever gone to seek them out? why did you part ways in the first place? did you just wake up one morning and everything seemed different?

i was sitting here earlier dabbling around and i came across an old friend's website. and it was weird. this person is nothing like the friend i had when i was in school. and my first thought was "what on earth happened here?" i thought that this person and i were pretty good friends. (s)he knows my deepest, darkest secrets...a person that i trusted more than 99.999999% of the population. and well i guess now i'm kind of miffed that i missed some personal life change that this friend had.

so my second thought was "was this friend of mine being someone they truly aren't when we were friends? was this friend living a double life?" how can i trust someone if they aren't being fully honest with me? i doubt (s)he would betray me, but now i have to wonder...next time i see this person should i ask what happened?

honestly...i guess this is why we've grown so distant. it's like we were best friends one week and then we graduated and now it's like a hassle to even make plans to hang out. it makes me sad because i guess now i've had the reality check that this relationship is now over. there's no hope b/c this friend went to the extreme right and i've either stayed the same or gone left.

at least my nikki is around for the long haul ;)

<3

oh...and i was told the other day that i should try to find other ways to make myself happy besides "external sources." what the hell does that mean? doesn't everyone get their happiness from external sources in some way or another? some people have sex, some people drink, some people drive fast, some people go to concerts. whatever blows your skirt up, you know? so yeah...give me some examples of how to make myself happy with internal sources and i may just try them.

<3 <3