avoidance, on many fronts


i'm being avoided. i know i am because the person that is avoiding me has been acting very strange. see, i was supposed to go out saturday night to this party with the person i was really excited about. well, i wait around until 7 for him to call and he doesn't. so i finally suck it up and call him to see what's going on. someone picks the reciever up and hangs up on me. i don't know who it was so i'm not going to totally accuse him, but he has been acting very weird since then so i guess it probably was him. why? like 24 hrs earlier he was just excited about it as i was. and now it's off i guess. he doesn't talk to me or send email or anything. i guess i'm a bit hurt just because i did get myself all worked up over this for nothing. but then on the other hand, why am i so surprised? someday i'll learn i guess.

i really don't want to go to the hospital tomorrow. i'm scared of hospitals. but i'm tired of being sick all the time, so i guess i want them to find out what's wrong with me. see there's two evils here. 1) if they find something wrong tomorrow, then i get my gallbladder taken out. which means surgery which means pain which means i have to stay here at my apt by myself and be sad and alone with no one to take care of me. yeah i'm sure my mom would make me go home with them but i swear i don't want to go to cabot. there is just too much arguing there. the other option is 2) they find nothing wrong tomorrow which means i get to have a scope when i get back from NC. having a long tube stuck down my throat to see my stomach does not sound any more fun than surgery. sure it's only a temporary discomfort, but it's still gross sounding. and i think the long term result of that would be that i'd have to take some sort of prescription the rest of my life.

i know i hate pity parties, but should something really be wrong with me, then i reserve the right to act like the biggest whiny baby ever.

a bunch of friends came over tonight (yay something happy!). they are so crazy and Matt is so loud. i laughed a lot and it got my mind off of other things so i'm glad they forced me to let them come over. we were supposed to go to Mike's apt but yeah i didn't feel like going anywhere and Ryan was asleep. so apparently they went to ryans and woke him up and then came to my house. anyway...ordered pizza and watched part of a movie and that's that.

i wish i felt better and wanted to go out more often. sorta. this is coming from the girl who never answers the phone when she knows it's someone wanting to go do something. and i rarely return messages left. i think if i knew the right people to go out with i'd do it more often, but there's just really nothing i want to do. and i'm flat broke so going out isn't really a wise decision. i just need to find someone that likes staying in as much as i do.

so i guess i avoid people as often as they avoid me. unfortunately, it's not the same people being avoided. i really want to know what happened with saturday though. it's not right!

<3