happy new year! sorta...

i've been posting on my xanga lately too, so making up things to talk about here is becoming increasingly difficult. i'm not ditching this blog. i love it. i've had it almost 3 years now. over 300 posts! so i'm doing my best to maintain both.

i had a good new years eve. better than i can remember. i went to northwest arkansas with matt and ash. hit a new years eve eve party @ joanna's in the sticks and then spent new years eve with phil in fort smith & van buren.

joanna's party was fun. laid back. lots o' beer. good stories. new people! donuts in the field! i'm not much of a country girl, so it was a nice change of pace. it sucks that i'm allergic to her cats so i probably won't stay over very often, but she's moving anyway. so maybe in the future. her boyfriend/fiancee is so great! i'm very happy for them both. lucky people!

i ended up at phil's like at 1030 sat morning and we had a movie date in the afternoon and ended up at one of his friend's house in van buren by midnight. those were crazy people. two of them were drunk off their ass and talking so much bullshit. and phil's little brother was the target of one of the guy's girlfriends. we got a lot of laughs out of that. anyway...those people were really cool and they probably think i'm a stuck up bitch b/c i didn't say much. but it's hard going to some house for a major holiday celebration when you only know 1 person really well. i would have been more sociable if i was drinking. haha

phil and i talked yet again about what we were doing together. i guess everything is worked out now. i told him i'm a yes or no girl and there was no middle ground, so obviously the answer was going to be no. i live 2.5 hrs away. i'm not a computer game. we're just too different i guess. i wanted different! i guess in a different way. it was still fun nonetheless. and when he did make time for me, i felt appreciated and cared for and wanted.

i'm sad because i know i probably won't see him again for a long time, if ever. i just can't go to FS all the time and he doesn't like coming here at all, so it's almost impossible to get together.

and i was just getting to where i could sleep with him without waking up every hour. it usually takes weeks! time to start over i guess. it's always hard to stop thinking about someone you've been sleeping with.

i have to get another job too. if you know anyone that needs help after 6p, i'm available. i hate that i'm even saying that, but it's the awful truth. maybe working my ass off will contain my current infatuation with cute boys.

i'm starting 2006 depressed. it makes it easier to have a great year, right?

<3