misery

well now that i told the story of what happened today, i really feel like i need to find a way to clear my mind. i swear i have never been so scared in my life. i don't want to find something worse when i get up tomorrow. i just want to run away. i want to leave this town. i fear for my car. i fear for my own safety. i have to freakin carry around a can of mace in case some stupid fuck jumps me in the parking lot. i can't think straight. i'm not hungry. i'm so sleepy but i'm afraid to sleep. i need a rock. a strong-willed support post to smack me upside the head and tell me to be strong and i'll make it through this and out of this stupid apartment without getting myself killed or my stuff stolen (or severely damaged). i'm scared so much because i feel like i'm so alone in fighting this battle. everyone seems too busy to help me. or i'm an adult now so i have to handle these matters on my own. i just want to cry and hide under a rock and wish that i was a kid again. i don't want to be a grown up and have to endure so much pain.

"i'm so tired of being alone, so hurry up and get here."

<3