razor cuts, empty boxes and strange dates

i have this weird cut on my finger and the only place i can figure out where i got it was from my razor. it took off like the top layer of skin and papercuts usually don't do that. it feels funny when i use that finger now!

i've started packing my stuff even though i really don't have an apartment just yet. i'm going tomorrow morning to find something (hopefully). i hate looking at apartments. i wish they could just come to me and say "hey we're in a great neighborhood and we have cheap rent! move here!" but that's not going to happen. i hate doing it so much that i usually pick like the 1st or 2nd one i see. and i usually regret doing that too.

i have this john mayer song in my head. and it's been there for a week now (and is about to break the record for "song stuck in my head" currently held by Suzanne Vega and Toms Diner at 8 days). the lyrics i keep hearing are:

Over you
I'm never over
Over you
Something about you
It's just the way you move
The way you move me

it's called back to you and it's about "second chances and third chances, and forth and fifth" like JM says on the live album. it's just in my head and i think it might have a lot to do with the fact that i've been doing some mental cleaning this week and pushing thoughts of old people and past loves (see all my other posts from this week) into some rusty old file cabinet in my brain. i've decided that this is it! no more going back! so no matter how many times that song drives me insane, i am proving that i do have the willpower and strength to get on with it.

it's like new apartment, new neighborhood, new people maybe? if only i had more than 12 bucks in my checking account. i think i might honestly pack up and drive to north carolina. rent is really cheap where nikki lives! and there's lots of single military guys and titty bars! rock on!

i have a play date on sunday. i just don't know if i'm going to make it. it's a casual lunch & movie deal, but it's with this friend of mine who's really bummed out b/c he dumped his girlfriend wednesday and he's not adjusting to being alone very well. being the queen of loneliness, i thought i'd help him out. i'm afraid this might get bad though. i'll want him because he's obviously vulnerable and those are easy catches, or he'll want me because i'm cool and i'm there right now. either way, it can't end pretty. and yeah i'm like that...always looking to see how things will end before they even get started. probably why i've been single for 5 years now.

and i will close with a song that will continue to harass me until something is done to stop it.

Back to you / It always comes around / Back to you / I tried to forget you / I tried to stay away / But it's too late

Over you / I'm never over / Over you / Something about you / It's just the way you move / The way you move me

I'm so good at forgetting / And I quit ever game I play / But forgive me, love / I can't turn and walk away

Back to you / It always comes around / Back to you / I walk with your shadow / I'm sleeping in my bed / With your silhouette

should have smiled in that picture / If it's the last that I'll see of you / It's the least that you / Could not do

Leave the light on / I'll never give up on you / Leave the light on / For me too

Back to me / I know that it comes / Back to me / Doesn't it scare you / Your will is not as strong / As it used to be

<3