things i need to figure out


what is wrong with me? besides the fact i'm fat (and first i typed fat instead of fact hah) i'm not a bad looking girl. i have beautiful straight white teeth. really pretty dual-tone eyes. pouty lips. cute enough to go without makeup most days.

so why do i give off this sisterly vibe? not like a nun, but like a biological sibling. i am fun to hang out with! but that doesn't mean i want to just hang out with everyone all the time. i like guys! i love guys actually. i just don't wear my passions on my sleeve anymore.

i want to be treated the way i treat others. which is sugary sweet and overloaded with kindness. if you've got a problem, who do you turn to? if some stupid girl has done you wrong, who's there to tell you she was a bitch? that's right. it's always me.

so what if the opposite happens? nothing changes! i have to look within myself, or within my best girl--space--friend for help. shouldn't you be doing the same for me as i do for you?

how do you know that i would be bad for you? i think the fact that i'm terrified of getting mixed into your messed up life is also playing a role. but i don't want to even think that i *like* you when i know there's like 4 other women jockeying for the same position. i'm not a competitor in that sense. sure i love competion. but i am never a match for a leggy brunette that wears a size 4.

i guess i just need to become more slutty.