serious conversation

this is like the chronology of mine and mike's relationship. probably really boring reading material for you folks, but honestly, that's what's going on in my life right now.

so i've been up and down all week but i can't figure out what the hell is going on. we argue about something like every morning and then by lunch we're cool. we argue about stupid things. i'm just trying to keep my mouth shut more often.

anyway....so friday, BT is like 'i talked to mike about you and you need to hear this b/c it'll make you really happy' and i'm just like okaaay...whatever could be so great?

he thought that i was trying to lose weight because i think he won't go out with me otherwise. which isn't true. which i know. his xgf that he was with forever was a chunk. a bitchy chunk even.

and the other thing had to do with us sleeping together. which we haven't, yet. we're not going out. you guys know that, right? i really don't want a serious relationship and neither does he. he was afraid that if we did do something, then i'd get in my head that we're a couple and he's mine.

i don't know how i'd react if we did something like that. i don't think i would know unless it happened, so i'm not going to worry about it.

anyway, so earlier tonight, he calls and we start talking about what was said. he clears up his end of the conversation. he thinks i'm really pretty (aw) and he loves hanging out with me (aw) and going to memphis and to the concerts have been so great (aw), but he doesn't want to be tied down to anyone, which is why we haven't done anything since the APC concert.

it was weird b/c he was doing all the talking when i asked these questions. like if i had anything to say, i had to cut him off. i'm afaid (and he knows this now) that if we were to do something, he'd start treating me like this girl at work. see he slept with this girl and now they hate each other and they really do argue everytime they talk to each other. well when i said that, he said absolutely not. he doesn't like her b/c of her attitude and he thinks that b/c he and i started out as friends first, then we probably won't work out like that.

that really is my big fear with him. i love having him as my friend and i hate to jeopardize that. but i don't see the harm in us being friends who occassionally sleep together. as long as i get mine and he gets his, who cares.

so we talked about how he's always like not wanting to come over here b/c his car sucks and there's a bunch of hills and i said "well it's not like i'm just going to invite myself over to your house" and he's like he knows and he was going to have me come over last night but he fell asleep blahblahblah.

see, i guess i should be upset about that. but i'm not. i just can't get emotional about things anymore. i'm glad we finally talked about it instead of going through BT. hell, we talked for an hour and most of that hour was about us and where this was going. and we're on the same page! yay! now maybe i'll get some action!

what a jumbled up post. sorry. my thoughts are kinda darting around like that right now. i'm happy about what i learned today. like more secure in things. now i know i'm just rambling.

i'm down 10 pounds total.
and mike was able to give up the smoke for a whole DAY AND A HALF! awesome! hehe (sarcasm....)

if anything like super juicy happens, i'll be sure to let you know. it may just take like a week for me to get around to typing it up. hehe.

<3