jason and i talked for an hour last night basically about how it's never going to work out. i think we're going to have a great, long-lasting friendship, and i rather have that instead of nothing at all.

there's just a lot of issues with both of us, moreso him than me (hehe), that would prevent us from ever having that storybook relationship. i do care a lot about him, and if he does ever find his dream woman, i'll be happy for him. that's what friends do for one another, support through thick and thin. and he assured me yesterday that he would always do the same for me.

i get so annoyed with people calling each other 'bro' and 'sis' all the time, but i think jason's going to turn out to be that older, wiser sibling i never had. i'm not going to call him bro, but i am going to stick by him as if he was my own blood.

i know i should be upset, but i'm not. i did, however, have this fucked up dream last night in which i was crying and i was upset and i was angry. i'm wondering this morning if that's what i feel, and i just can't express it on the outside. maybe i was crying in my sleep? i don't know. it was just really weird and i woke up this morning feeling so emotionally drained. i can't cry about this though. i have tried! the tears just don't flow.

i'm only 26. that's way too young to be numb emotionally. i don't feel anything though. ok, i do feel things, but nothing negative. i see this is another beginning. a(nother) lesson learned.

it's time to start over and head down a different path.