Nice girls finish last. Like usual.

I am so mad right now I feel like I could puke. People I thought were my friends, apparently are not and I’m stupid for ever thinking otherwise.

I have no problem loaning people money when I know they’ll pay me back like the next day. it’s not because I have a lot of money, it’s that I’m nice and the person probably needs it more than I do. I don’t know why I do that, it’s stupid.

Well, I helped bt buy a a/c compressor for his car from ebay. I did this because I have an ebay account and it’s not a big deal. He paid me half the money when we did it and the other half I was going to get when the part came in. it came Tuesday and mike delivered it to him and I didn’t go to work yesterday so I didn’t have my money yet. So yesterday afternoon I was talking to mike and he needed some cash to pick up his car from the guy who was fixing it. I know mike will pay me back next day so I was just like tell bt to give you the money he owes me and then you just pay me back. Well that’s not the way bt wants to do it. And if you don’t do it his way, then he’s going to be a dick about doing anything for you. So I have to get dressed, pick mike up from work, drive downtown to bt’s house and get a check, take that check to the bank, find out he’s got insufficient funds, get money out of my savings acct to pay mike, take mike back to bt’s house b/c bt was taking him to get the car. Bt gives mike cash. Which is what he should have fucking done in the first place.

What they do after I left is still up in the air. I went home and I was mad b/c now I’m out twice as much money.

If you heard the bt version of this story, as I did this morning, it sounds nothing like that. He says I called him all afternoon asking for my money. And I was trying to control where he got it from. And how can I have all this nice stuff and be bitching about what he owed me, I obviously am not hurting for cash. (I am though, I have 2.04 in my savings account and 10.00 in my checking account.) he said he’d steal my ipod if he had the chance. then he went on about how mike was using me for my car and my money and how I’ve got no game and I’m a bad lay and how ignorant I am and how I use them for weed (uh yeah I hit a blunt twice…big user there). I don’t care what bt thinks of me, but when he brings up shit that mike supposedly said, then I’m mad.

Mike is out trying to find his car (the crackhead they took it to be fixed has disappeared with it) so I call him when I get back to my desk and ask if he’s my friend and if he’s using me. He says of course he’s my friend and no he’s not using me and I should keep in mind that when bt is pissed he runs his mouth in all directions.

I really am too nice to these people. It’s like I jump through hoops for them, but in this case, when I want someone to do something for me, it’s like pulling teeth. I bought him a tank of gas (35 bucks) b/c he’s the one who usually drives everyone around. I also gave him 20 bucks for gas the one time we went to Memphis. No one else gave him money. I buy that fucker a shake from Sonic every time I go by there during lunch and I never ask for money. I help him out with overtime at work. It’s called kindness. So the one time I do something for him and expect repayment, he comes back with “well, you’re all about the money” blahblah. That’s bullshit. If I was all about the money then I probably wouldn’t even fucking talk to him. I let those fuckers sit in my car and smoke weed at work. I let them drive it around all fucking day Monday and I didn’t complain once. It sounds to me that I’m the one being walked all over instead of him.

I don’t know what to do about mike. Do I trust him and what he tells me? Should I write him off with the rest of the clique? This is exactly why I don’t trust people. I always get burned! Mike’s on his way back here now and I guess we’ll chat later. I know he’s been telling bt things I’ve said and done because I heard bt repeat something I did the other night to everyone. I know what I did was stupid, but fuck, I never imagined everyone and their aunt would know about it. And it’s nothing that bad, it was me being indecisive and when I made a decision, I wanted to change it like 5 mins later. Apparently, that means you have no game. Haha.

Oh well. I had two nice drama free months. I guess I should be thankful for that.

<3