nothing is right

sorry i've been quiet. it's not like i'm doing anything...just existing. i didn't get to go to dallas after all. i'd love to tell the long story of lies and betrayal, but i'm kinda tired of repeating it. and i'm sure some people are tired of me feeling sorry for myself. i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself!

i haven't done much on my mini vacation. drank a lot of vodka. spent some time driving around in the nice cool breeze after dark. layed by the pool and worked on my tan. chilled out on the porch for a few hours. kicked it with nathan and jarrett and lindsey. talked to carrie. visited my grandma. it's crazy that tomorrow is the last day! i'm ready to go back to work though. it'll be nice to be busy for 8 hours.

i really really really really really hope and pray something positive happens this week. i don't care if it's a job offer, or a band aid on a broken relationship, or even the start of something new and exciting. i'm so sick of getting my hopes up about anything, just to have them destroyed by someone or something i can't control. i still can't figure out what i've done that would allow me to have such bad karma. i am a giver! that's why i'm so weak and helpless now! i gave so much to someone (who took all they could get) and now i'm left with nothing.

if i have ever done something to you and i never apologized for it, let me know so i can fix things. i need a clean house, per se, before i can move on, i guess. and speaking of clean houses, someone come scrub my bathtub!

<3