cue the sousa march!

it's strange to think that it's already the freakin 4th of july (at 2am, nonetheless). where has the time gone? just thinking in those terms makes me feel old. i should stop.

i wish i could go see fireworks tonight, but alas, i'm working. it's probably for the best. last year, mike and i went and saw fireworks together. i remember it being insanely hot, and the last thing i wanted was him touching me, and he wouldn't go near the ampitheatre where the symphony was playing b/c it was "too crowded." that sorta bummed me out b/c i absolutely love hearing the 1812 overture simutaneously with the fireworks. just one of the many disappointments of our relationship!

is it obvious i'm trying to find the bad side to all of that? i'm having to adjust to not seeing and not talking to him everyday like i had been for pretty much the past year. i guess it's like part of me has died and i just cut off that limb and left it on the side of the road. or at least that's how it feels. i miss him, or at least the way things used to be. it was just nice having a companion. now i'm back at square one.

i need a date. someone hook me up.

i've worked everyday for almost the past 2 weeks. and i'm not off again until the 9th. i'm so tired of work, but it's a kind of escapism so it's alright. too bad the programming can't be better...

nope, haven't heard from atlanta.

i need to go to sleep so i can get up at a decent hour and go running. i've done really good the past 2 weeks, only taking my scheduled day off instead of random lazy days. i lost all the weight i gained from the family reunion and the trip to the casinos, which feels wonderful. it's getting harder to lose my belly though. i need a new personal trainer i guess. didn't think about that when i was banishing mike from my life. oh well!

yep, i'm rambling. i wish i had something important and newsworthy and political to say. all i ever do anymore is whine. no wonder my readership is down. i got too wrapped up in my own dramas to pay attention to what was going on on a larger scale. maybe i'll get back to doing that.

maybe not.

blow something up for me this 4th of july!

<3