i always have something to say

so i was reading this magazine at work tonight and i came across an article on interdependence. at first i was like blahblah sounds like something i should be doing, but seriously...who cares. and then i read on and it was talking about codependence and counterdependence and why interdependence is so much better and healthier for you.

i am definitely a codependent. i like putting other people's issues ahead of my own. i rather help others sort out their own lives rather than face the music myself. i like having people need me for things.

which brings me to my earlier piece about being in love with mike and wanting things to go back to how they were. maybe i don't necessarily love him, but i need verification that he needs me. and unfortunately the way he needs me are usually material things like my car or my willingness to pick up the check at lunch. he got fired from his job while we were together. that's like a big freakin deal that no one would want to go through alone. and i skipped 2 days of work after it happened just so he wouldn't be alone. how's that for codependence!?

i swear my issues alone would take up an entire episode of dr. phil. i guess that's why it's so much easier to focus on others. this time apart from mike has been incredibly hard on me because i've had no one to help and i'm forced to spend my afternoons daydreaming about fixing my own problems. i don't want to do that! i want someone to be my fixer like i am for them!

whether or not i can achieve some sort of interdependence is yet to be seen. i'm off tomorrow (or i guess for you guys it would be today since it's after 2am) and i plan on kickin it by the pool for most of the afternoon, so maybe i'll ponder this some more.

now i sound even crazier than i did earlier!

<3