crazy, fucked up dreams

i need to preface this by saying i watched the finale of six feet under on wednesday and ever since then i've had these bizarro dreams, worse than the usual. i always have some crazy dream during that time after i wake up too early and go back to sleep for an hour or so. and the past two days these dreams have been disturbing to say the least.

wednesday i felt sick and i went to bed at like 9pm. i woke up at like 1230a and couldn't sleep b/c all i could think about were the characters on six feet and how they died and for some reason my mind was filling in the rest of their lives for me. there was this beautiful 10 minute closing segment where you flash forwarded through all of the main characters lives and you saw how they died and i guess it was just so touching that it fused some wires together in my mind. i wanted to cry for the loss of these people, but i couldn't because i know that they don't really exist.

so this morning i have a dream and it's set like six feet under, but it's starring my family. we're at a funeral that was a lot like Nate's - at a park, body wrapped in a shroud instead of a casket, big tree nearby - and they are dropping the body into the grave and it bumps it's head and the shroud uncovers the face of my grandpa. my grandpa died when i was in elementary school. i don't remember his death or his funeral or even the time of year that it happened. i don't remember that much about him being alive! so it was really strange seeing my grandpa being in my dream.

i'm wondering if six feet has that power over people. like it makes you realize that the people in your life now, at this moment, won't be there forever and you need to take advantage of that. my grandpa showing up in my dream was like a reminder that i don't want anyone else who's that important to me to pass without me having good solid memories of them. my other grandpa died before i was born so i only have seen like one picture of him.

this show has messed me up on more than one occassion, but it was so good. so well written and acted. i haven't had to deal with a lot of death in my life, and i guess the show put everything into prospective. if you haven't seen it, i think seasons 1-4 are out on dvd now...it just ended last weekend at season 5 so it wouldn't take that much to catch up. and the finale is like the best series finale i have ever seen in my life.

anyway, i'm hoping that since i took the time to write about this, maybe my bizarro dream time can go back to being about snow in the middle of summer and mike and i moving to dallas.

<3