love and stuff

i just watched bruce almighty, and for some reason i am feeling really sentimental and philosophical.

i want to talk about love. what is it? haven't i discussed this once before in the past? probably more than once. it's a reoccuring theme i guess. i'm a girl. it's what girls think about. right?

i'm going through this phase right now where i'm anti-relationship, anti-love, anti-romance. i think i am at that point because of everything that has happened in the past. i always had crushes on the wrong guy and therefore i'd waste months (and even a year in one case) trying to woo this guy.

i'm starting to see now why i did that. it's all in the name of education! i'm a lot wiser now, or at least i like to think of myself as wise. i've experienced what i always thought was the worst heartache ever, even though an even *worse* heartache came later that year. that can all be blamed on youth.

i have made some major mistakes, some of which affected me for many years. i was scared of getting involved with someone because of one bad experience. i was scared of getting attached to anyone because i know nothing lasts forever.

this year has been so different than the other 24 that i have been in existance. i truly feel like this is the year of Laurie. all of those years of locking myself in my bedroom at my parents house and crying about how so-and-so didn't like me are starting to pay off. i have always been the friend that everyone comes to when they have a problem. i never turn anyone away and i'm always willing to help out. i haven't stopped doing that, but i do feel like i am being really selfish this year. i am finally getting things i've wanted which is why i'm saying i'm reaping my rewards of hard work.

anyway, i was talking about love. i don't want you to get the idea that because i'm writing about love means i'm in love with someone. i don't think i am. but i don't know. i'm not sure what signs i should be looking for.

to me, love is little things. knowing how i like the room to be cold when i sleep, but not so cold my toes are icing over under the blanket. showing up at my apartment with a sack of groceries because he knows i have nothing to eat here. teaching me how to cook a roast some other method than throwing it in a crockpot and going to work (it apparently involves seering and red wine?). wandering around Target or Sams or Best Buy looking at things we both know we'll never buy and grabbing my arm if i start walking in the opposite direction.

if i can find someone who can read me as well as i can read him, then it has to work.

and this is what's starting to freak me out. mike can read me and i read him very well. and we spent today wandering around stores looking at stuff we'll never buy. i walked out of Target with a tube of toothpaste. and i left sams with a package of tortolini and some alfredo sauce because he would not let me leave knowing i have no food at my house. i know what he's thinking and i say it before he gets a chance to. he adjusts the air conditioner at his house before i get there because he knows what temperature i like.

oh yeah...and we're still not officially dating or a couple or anything. we just 'hang out' hehe

am i allowed to be a little on edge about this? he's going to visit his mom in a couple of weeks and even though we're not in a relationship or whatever, i have a feeling that he'll be checking in with me. actually he's already told me he'll call me at work to make sure things are okay.

i'm not in love with him. i'm just soaking up the attention and the affection and the fact that someone seems to care about me. of course i care about him, i care about everyone! i'm a softie!

it's just nice though. everything seems so good. and this is like the first friendship that i've ever had that seemed to actually evolve from strangers to whatever we are now (lovers? that sounds so hokey). i think i am the happiest now than i have been ever. i have a great job and this really sexy guy who likes me for me and a great group of friends and a really supportive family. what more could a girl ask for? ok, besides the cash thing...

i know some of you guys who read this excessively boring blog are married. how long were you together before you got married? were you friends first and it just evolved into something else? how do you know you're in love? what is love?

i expect answers!

<3