i'm $80 short in my checking account to pay my rent this month. and i have to give them a check tomorrow, or i'll be even further behind. what on earth do you suggest i do? how do i ask my parents for another $80, when they just gave me a few hundred like a week ago? it's these sorts of things that's slowly killing me.

randomness

i can't believe they fucking killed nate fisher on six feet under!!! i guess if you haven't watched this week's episode, then i just totally ruined it for you. you should have watched it when it premiered. why does premiered look funny? is my spelling getting that bad? someone correct that if it needs correcting please...

man....i was just like watching that show...and then he died...and i was like what the hell. and i said it out loud too. to no one b/c i was watching tv with myself in the dark like i sometimes do. and then like subconsciously i picked up the phone and dialed his number. luckily i got voicemail and then i left some fucked up message about how he's avoiding me and i just really wanted to talk about what i just watched. i don't want him to call me back really. that show is just another one of those things we used to share, but don't anymore. that's getting annoying.

and i need a new picture of myself. john mayer and i are a lovely couple, but i'm not that fat anymore and i want to prove it to the world. i need to see john mayer again so i can get him to take a new picture with me. i'd take one of myself, but those are never flattering.

my sunburn itches on my chest. it's not really burnt that bad...it just itches like crazy. and i can't find anything to make it stop and i'm tired of smelling like menthol when i'm at home. icky.

i'll stop posting so much when i go back to work this week. i promise!

and i had a big healthy glass of red bull & vodka earlier...is it obvious? hah

<3

nothing is right

sorry i've been quiet. it's not like i'm doing anything...just existing. i didn't get to go to dallas after all. i'd love to tell the long story of lies and betrayal, but i'm kinda tired of repeating it. and i'm sure some people are tired of me feeling sorry for myself. i'm tired of feeling sorry for myself!

i haven't done much on my mini vacation. drank a lot of vodka. spent some time driving around in the nice cool breeze after dark. layed by the pool and worked on my tan. chilled out on the porch for a few hours. kicked it with nathan and jarrett and lindsey. talked to carrie. visited my grandma. it's crazy that tomorrow is the last day! i'm ready to go back to work though. it'll be nice to be busy for 8 hours.

i really really really really really hope and pray something positive happens this week. i don't care if it's a job offer, or a band aid on a broken relationship, or even the start of something new and exciting. i'm so sick of getting my hopes up about anything, just to have them destroyed by someone or something i can't control. i still can't figure out what i've done that would allow me to have such bad karma. i am a giver! that's why i'm so weak and helpless now! i gave so much to someone (who took all they could get) and now i'm left with nothing.

if i have ever done something to you and i never apologized for it, let me know so i can fix things. i need a clean house, per se, before i can move on, i guess. and speaking of clean houses, someone come scrub my bathtub!

<3