on second thought...

i just reread what i wrote and well it makes me sound like some depressed tv watching psycho. i'm not depressed. i'm really happy. honest! and i watch a lot of tv because i live by myself and there's not exactly a bunch of people around to talk to. i don't have cable and i don't have any money to go out with my friends (some of whom have the benefits of college loan change checks and real jobs that pay more than $7.35 an hour).

i guess my downfall is that i truly am a sap and after watching 3 hours straight of those shows, it makes me want to be sappy but there's no one around that will accept my sappiness! my apologies.

carry on now...

tv love

i'm the biggest sap. i'll let you know that right up front.

i love watching tv shows that i guess you would call dramas (but sometimes they are comedies!). my fav sap shows right now are Dawsons Creek (yes i'm still trapped in my teenage years), Ed and American Dreams. if you're a male, you probably think i'm the biggest loser on the planet. if you're female, you might sympathize with me with this.

i like DC because i somehow manage to connect myself with these lives that were nothing like mine. nothing is ever completely right (which i guess if it was, there'd be no plot) and when it seems like everything is perfect, something tragic happens. somehow these people are always in some sort of relationship with everyone else on the show, and i never had that. i didn't have the 20 boyfriends in high school or the thousand boyfriends in college. and i guess since i didn't have it, it's nice to see in tv land that these things do happen to people. i'm vicariously living through these people!

maybe i really do need professional help.

all of these shows are soap operas. i hate soap operas. but i guess since these are shows on during primetime i distinguish them differently?

i like ed for the same reasons i like DC. the characters are older and all, but there's always this one guy and this one girl who know they should be together forever, but something always gets in the way (timing, engagements, other relationships, etc.). it's just cute and there's no other shows with a bowling alley lawyer, so i'm hooked.

i love american dreams because it's set in the 60's and lately i've had this weird fascination with old stuff. i love the music and the whole american bandstand theme. and of course i love the sappy relationships that keep popping up.

i'm a huge romantic. maybe since i have no way of letting out the feelings i have, watching these programs is a release. i usually end up crying at the end of the show. not because it's over but because something really good happened (and i'm jealous in a way) or something really bad happened (and i feel that person's pain.). when it's over though, a part of me just wants to sit back and look to whoever is my *crush of the day* and ask "why the hell isn't that happening in my life?" and his response would probably be "because it's tv, laurie. and stuff that happens on tv or in movies never happens in real life." and my thoughts (that i would probably keep to myself because the last thing i ever want is for people to worry about me) would be along the lines of "yeah right, it's because you are totally not hot like Katie Holmes or even that ugly Michelle Williams." and i'd shrug my shoulders and move along with my day. i've gotten this far in my non-existant relationship-filled life, why stop now?

see i really am crazy. i just don't have the money to have it clinically diagnosed yet.

listening to: air conditioner, tv in bedroom that's on news i think
shoes of choice: none

and now....no more messages. i'm tired of typing that.

5:30am

i'm starting to realize the benefits of waking up before the sun comes up. i manage to get a lot done when i'm not rushing around to leave the house in 15 minutes. like today, right now actually, i'm doing laundry! and all this time i thought i couldn't get it done because i had to work from 8a-430p.

i have time to eat breakfast. although i usually don't actually eat breakfast. but in case i ever do, there's time for it.

i have time to put on 4 different outfits to wear to work and figure out which one i'm happy with.

i have time to take a shower, wash my hair, shave my legs, dry my hair, put on makeup and get dressed.

i have time to sit in front of the computer for an hour and blog about worthless things.

i have time to rent more movies on my netflix! or order music and dvds from barnes! or buy new clothes from lands end!

maybe this getting up so early isn't such a good thing after all...

and besides, how often in my 23 years have i actually seen the sun come up? not in recent memory, that's for sure.

later.

listening to: birds chirping, refrigerator hum, keys clicking
shoes of choice: slip on bowling looking shoes that smell awful b/c i only wear them barefoot to do laundry (ewww)

sex, drugs & rock n roll

the sex: not having any. want some though. send a little my way please?

the drugs: zyrtec-d. insane allergy season has begun, which means my drugs knock me out before 9p. i really am an old lady.

the rock n roll: american idol is on. does that count? i'm ready for my concerts to get here! i don't even like watching american idol. there's nothing else on, and i left most of my good cds in the car. what is with this group singing crap anyway? it's like a bunch of egos clashing on stage and whoever screams the song the loudest should be allowed to stay for one more week. i want my bernie mac show back!

blahblahblah! i honestly have nothing to say today. it's just been so boring and since i stopped watching the news, i can't gripe about world events.

i need some money. that's my main worry these days. i have a crappy job that doesn't pay enough to pay my rent, much less my car and my gasoline and my college loans. i'm sure i'm not the only one though.

anyway...

listening to: commercials on tv
shoes of choice: none. it's summer now, get used to it.

what next?
(first in an ongoing series...)

this partial quote caught my eye "...are among the film and television stars nominated on Tuesday for PRISM awards, which honor the accurate depiction of drug, alcohol and tobacco use and addiction."

so if i'm an actor, what do i have to do to NOT get an award? i apparently can't accurately smoke a cigarette in a movie b/c that will win me a PRISM award. and if you do win a PRISM, is this an award you put beside your academy award, or your emmy, or is it one you just give to charity and let them auction it off for the fifty cents it's worth so they can build a new playground for disadvantged children?

just wondering....

politics, war, media

i really wanted to avoid being political with this thing. i usually can't make up my mind when i have to decide where i stand on an issue anyway. i think for the most part i'm liberal....but just moderately. i love rudy giuliani and john mccain and i also like tom daschle for pointing out that the president isn't always right.

i see the 'greater good' that this war is all about. i just don't like being around for the actual war part. death and dying bothers me no matter who it is. i'm not one of those idiot peace freaks that protests in the middle of the street. i just sit back and fear for the worst. when i'm older and wiser, then i'll realize why the united states feels like they have to be in everyone's business all the time. it's scary to even say you're not 100% pro-war. even my parents got hostile in a public restaurant when i said that i wasn't completely behind it.

what really entertains me right now is the media though. they all thought they were awesome with their embedded reporters and their fancy playstation2ish graphics. now they are running stories on how the media isn't necessarily the 'big picture.' i don't really watch much of the coverage (and i've quit all together watching local news for something besides weather), but i flipped by ABC last night with peter jennings and they were doing some story about how all the networks had the same info and used the same screen layout with the same dramatic pictures to outline nothing. you see a boring general talking in a little box on the left and on the right is some smoke and fire from baghdad which actually occurred three days ago. it's all for ratings points. and what's strange is that the big ratings season (sweeps) isn't until May.

and on this other show i watch, boston public, they had this rant about how the media loves to focus on people suffering. fear factor does it for cash, katie couric always interviews grieving parents who've just lost one of their kids, joe millionaire lied to people, then kicked them off one by one, only to disappoint in the end (sidebar: that guy was so ugly. still is. shame on cosmo). it's true! really sad, but true! so why are we so cautious to show dead people in the war when we're jumping at the chance to interview dead soliders wives/parents/children?

so whatever.

listening to: refrigerator hum
shoes of choice: no earthly idea. barefoot now though.

now back to regular programming...

what i like

i just wanted to write something for today. it has no meaning whatsoever. just me being me i guess. here are 10 random things i like (in no particular order):

1) stars. not movie stars, but the really hot glowing balls of gas that you see typically on a clear night when you look in the sky. i guess you could call it an obsession, but i'm definitely not a scholar on the subject.

2) sleeping when it's raining. not thunderstorms though..just rain.

3) conversation. i live alone, so this is actually worth more than you'd think.

4) bags. messenger bags, backpacks, shoulder bags. whatever. just don't call it a purse ;)

5) being girlie. 5 years ago i would have never said that. but now it's fun to dress up and be a girl. this year i've learned what a cami is and how awesome they are (i have 5 of them now hehe). oh and i love girlie perfumes. i like smelling like a girl (i guess instead of a goat or something?)

6) buying shoes! yet another one of my newly found girlie attributes. it's not just a pick-me-upper anymore.

7) candles. it's relaxing. it's romantic. it's soothing. it puts out light and scent! what is there not to like about candles? well except for that one time i almost burnt my apartment down.

8) nail polish. this isn't a result of my girlish-ness. i've always loved nail polish...not on my fingernails though. it's hard to explain, but it bothers me when my fingernails are painted.

9) that feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when Mr. You-Know-Who walks into the room. or notices you. or speaks to you. especially when you thought that he considered you invisible.

10) anticipation. it makes me nervous. it makes me excited. it keeps me awake at night. and for some reason, i love it.

listening to: rapid fire keystrokes...better than war coverage any day.
shoes of choice for today: nothing now...earlier wore the black docs slides (yet again b/c i haven't have the time or the money to buy some new black sandals! i'm working on that though)

and now back to regular programming...

conciertos!

i hate summer. if you've ever been to arkansas or any other southern state between the months of May - September, you know what i'm talking about. it's hot. it's humid. you can't breathe because the air is so thick.

so what makes me happy about the summer? homemade ice cream. summer nights at murray park watching boats pass by on the river. concerts at the ampitheatre. road trips to rural parts of arkansas with the windows down and the scariest rock or the ghettoest rap music playing loudly. sounds like i should break into that Olivia Newton John & John Travolta song from Grease.

i love concerts. outdoor ones are my favorite, although festivals suck b/c i usually get sunburnt and it always costs an arm and a leg for water. it's another way of escapism. listening to your favorite artist sing to you, not on cd, but live. right in front of you on a stage. and even though there are thousands of people sharing the same moment with you, it's as if you're alone with your loved one or best friend (or whoever) and that singer.

so what sparked all this nonsense? i've got 3 concerts on my calendar so far. now this is a major deal b/c people i love listening to NEVER come to arkansas. i'm going to see matchbox twenty & sugar ray at the end of april. this one is indoors, which is okay i guess, but i would love for mb20 to play the ampitheatre because they are just that kind of sappy band. the weekend after that is the beale street music festival in memphis. i'm going to see the current love of my life, John Mayer, and wilco play on friday night. there's music saturday and sunday but nothing i'm really interested in (and willing to pay the 20 bucks a day and risk skin cancer for).

THEEEEEEENnnnn.....july offers the classic Dave Matthews Band for the first time ever in my little city. it's indoors too which is completely insane, but i just want to go so i am not going to complain. i'm not a big DMB fan, but everyone says if you see them live, you will become a freak. that's still 4 months away though.

the big question is...who do i share my 2nd ticket with? i miss the days when my best friend lived right down the street and she was a guarenteed shoo-in for taking my ticket. or the days when i had a boyfriend so he would get it when my best friend wasn't available. and yes, my best friend always got first dibs. she now lives 16 hrs away so that's just not possible. how do you decide? i'm thinking about a mud wrestling tournament. winner gets the ultimate prize, ME! haha! just kidding. i'm only offering to people who i know at least like the music. i'm not going with anyone who is going to bitch all night about the "loudness of the music" or how much they hate the band. i did that once, for a guy, and will never ever do that again. concerts are too important to me to be spoiled by some grouchy guy that's not even going to call me the next day.

and now i'm done with that.

listening to: dateline NBC...waiting for my fav sunday night show American Dreams
shoes of choice for today: blue sketchers tennis shoes (man i need a new pair)

and now back to regular programming....