dear dave grohl,

where are you? i saw your picture in some music magazine (rolling stone or blender) recently campaigning for john kerry, and i appreciate that, but i desperately need a new Foo Fighters cd to rock out to! the current state of music is dismal and i am tired of listening to the same 5 cds in my car every week. i know i could listen to the radio, but if the whole music industry is crap, then you know the radio has nothing to offer. besides, the only station in my tiny market that plays halfway decent music doesn't really play the Foos that much. i heard a kenny wayne shepherd song on that station a couple of weeks ago and since then i've been afraid to listen!

please get Taylor and the rest of the gang together and put together some new music! everlong is my absolute favorite, but i totally dig the heavier stuff like low and stacked actors.

if a new cd isn't possible right now, can you bring the band over to little rock for a tiny get-together? have you ever even been to little rock? it's not as bad as you may have heard! if the rednecks scare you, we can make it an intimate show with just me and my friends.....hehe.

let me know what you decide! my email is linked over on the left.

thanks.

<3 and rock :)

laurie.

the tease...

since it's been almost 5 days since i posted my tease...i feel kind of guilty i haven't followed up with anything. i hope you didn't blow things out of proportion and think i'm pregnant or engaged or anything. trust me, i wouldn't tease about that.

anyway....

i went to dinner with Carrie, Nathan and Jarrett last weekend and right before carrie and jarrett left (nathan left earlier), we had a discussion about mike. i'll admit, i didn't like what jarrett had to say. carrie and i talk about this practically every week, so she didn't contribute that much. jarrett was honest, and sometimes that's good, no matter how harsh it sounds. he doesn't think my relationship with mike is good for me and that i should probably get out as soon as i can because i'm obviously going to get hurt somehow. and his opinion is of some value to me because he is on the outside looking in, and sometimes that's the best view. and he drew a lot of comparisons between mike and larmon and i did waste 2 years on larmon, and he doesn't want me to do that again.

but it's not how i feel.

i'm going to get hurt in any relationship i'm involved in. i'm okay with that. how else am i going to learn? i was asked if i loved mike. and i guess i do, but i'm not so sure that i'm *in love* with him. there's a lot of parameters that have to be met before i do that whole romantic love thing. and as of this very moment, no, those are not being met. i do care a lot about him and want only good things for him. is this going to turn out like larmon did? i don't think so, but how can i know for sure? larmon and i are still friends, although it's been a few months since we've seen each other. i don't feel anything for him anymore, and maybe that's b/c i have mike to fill that void now.

so the pressure has been on for me to start a serious 'state of the relationship' conversation, pressure not only from my friends but from myself too. and no, i still haven't had this conversation in the way that i wanted. i did sorta have it though. mike wants me to go to dallas with him before thanksgiving. his personal trainer is competing in a bodybuilding competition and she asked if we'd like to go check it out. i could care less honestly, i just want out of little rock for a weekend. he's pretty psyched about it. well, he first brought up this dallas thing and he was talking like he was just going to go with the PT and her husband and i was like 'that sounds great. i'm sure you'll have a great time.' blahblah. last week he decides that i should go too. so i asked if he is inviting me because a) i have the better car to go to dallas; b) i can come up with the money to go to dallas; c) it would be better to have sex with me in dallas than it would be Tis (our guy friend). he says no. he wants me to go b/c he wants to spend time with me and he knows how badly we both want to get out of town. of course some of those other factors have to play into his decision, but the answer he gave reassured me that maybe we really are in some sort of serious relationship. i'm okay with this.

before we go on any 6 hour road trip though, we are having the rest of this conversation. i'm tired of everyone being disappointed because i haven't done it yet. i know half of the people who read this thing are sick of me talking about it and not doing it. i'm tired of not knowing 100% what is going on. and carrie leaves next weekend for north carolina....for good. so it's the least i can do for her. see, i need some incentive for someone else to do things that are going to be beneficial to me. why is that? why do i have the need to please others instead of myself? that's annoying.

i teased a major announcement because i had planned to have the answer by now. but nothing this weekend has gone as planned, so my apologies.

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i found out yesterday that my 2nd mom from my old job has been given a year or less to live. she started out with lung cancer which evolved into brain cancer over the past year. this is what smoking does to people! after going through a year and a half of chemo and radiation and puking and losing hair and growing it back and losing it again, they've decided to stop fighting it. she's only 50. so yeah, there's more stuff weighing on my mind than my petty high school relationship.

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i find out this week if i got the program assistant job at the evil empire. and i've been crazy working out this weekend because i'm sick of my scale being stuck on the same numbers every week.

there's a lunar eclipse wednesday night.

daylight savings time ending should signal a time for change, don't you think?

all i have left are random, incoherent thoughts. i'll stop now before it gets too crazy.

<3