Friday, May 30, 2003

straight hair!

i got my hair straightened today using some long, tedious asian thermal method. it's really soft and really straight and well i love it. so i thought i'd show off hehe.



yay!

<3

Thursday, May 29, 2003

tax cuts

i usually don't get all political in this thing just because i know it upsets a lot of people. but i read this article in Rolling Stone today that just kind of ruffled my feathers. and then they had a story on the news about how the tax cuts that passed earlier this week aren't even going to help the people who need the money most (the minimum wage workers...ME!)

what is up with everyone? don't you see that cutting taxes doesn't boost the economy? and even when most people get their "tax refund" in the mail, the state governments are going to take it away b/c most of them are borderline broke. i guess i just need someone from the Bush administration (not Ari Fleischer...he's such an ass) to explain to me in plain english how this budget plan is going to solve problems. It seems like to me that if you cut taxes, then you're eliminating some of the money coming into the coffers which in turn leaves you in debt. Plus, we're fighting some war on terrorism or something? doesnt' that require even more money?

i undersatnd the states should cut some of their spending to eliminate their deficits, but i don't think it is very fair for the states to be forced to cut spending because the federal government isn't going to be giving as much away anymore. maybe everyone needs to cut spending and then maybe if there's extra money, then we can consider tax cuts. we try so hard not to step on people's toes when we cut programs, but sometimes feelings have to be hurt. and there's all those bullshit things the goverment funds that could totally be reconsidered.

something the RS article said was about Social Security. You have to remember that the money you contribute now isn't going to YOUR social security bank, but to pay for your parents social security checks. so when all these baby boomers retire within the next 20 years, and the workforce isn't as thick as it is now or was then, who's going to pay all those checks? especially if the goverment is broke because we started cutting taxes in 2003 and there's never a surplus. i want social security when i'm 70! it's bad enough they keep raising the retirement age, but there has to be a way to stop it from getting to insane levels, like 70 years old. i probably won't even be able to drive a car when i'm 70! how am i supposed to continue working because there is no such thing as Social Security? and what about all that money i contributed in the past? i paid for everyone else's retirement, but i don't get one?

i know Rolling Stone is a pretty liberal form of media, but i'm a pretty liberal form of girl. i've tried to see things through the "right" light and i just can't accept their policies and procedures.

did you know that if the goverment cut all non-military programs, it would still be in debt? food for thought.

Wednesday, May 28, 2003

today's horoscope

how appropriate for the times is this:

Dear laurie,
Here is your horoscope
for Wednesday, May 28:

Aquarius is easily bored or exhausted. You're perturbed about how the past and future seem to be merging. This moment is going on forever, which is entirely too long for you.

interesting. that's exactly my mood right now.

<3

do you think j-lo wants every woman in the world to hate her? i'm just watching that flashdance video and she says "i'm glad when i'm makin love to you." and we all know who she's sleeping with (maybe....unless she's got more than one guy back there) so is it necessary to brag about it? she's not making any friends by rubbing it in!

hehe

Tuesday, May 27, 2003

high fidelity

i watched that movie tonight. shocking to most people i know, i've never seen it. i read the book a long time ago. i'm totally a list maker like Rob. i've even posted a few lists in this blog in the past.

it's weird watching that movie and comparing it to what i wrote earlier tonight. i don't think i need to go back to all my old boyfriends and ask why we never worked out. i know those reasons because half of the time i ended things. the other half i ended up freaking out and that's why the guy dumped me.

i'm a freaker-outer. it's like when things get just a little serious, i freak out. i went out with this one guy for like 3 months and then i just woke up one morning and thought that i shouldn't be there. so i never returned his calls and eventually he gave up. that was so childish, but i have no courage when it comes to telling people how i feel. well not how i feel but when i have to describe my emotions to others. i'll tell you my opinions and how i feel about *things* but if it comes to *people* i can't do it. i think it's because the last 5 or 6 people i've finally built up courage to tell them how i felt, it was a complete disaster and most of them never spoke to me again.

blahblah rejection is a part of life blahblah. yeah i know. all too well i think. so last fall i decided that i just wouldn't "pursue" anyone anymore. i'll be nice and be myself and if i ever bump into someone who thinks that's cool, then great. if i find someone that i think would be great, tough tootsie rolls. i can't say anything and i sure as hell shouldn't ask them out. i'll just have to get over it because if they wanted me, they could say something. and if they haven't said anything, then obviously the feeling isn't mutual. so much for that women's movement where the girls should do the asking.

so i know last week i posted some weird crap about how i loved you (you is for me to know, and the reader to figure out) and after coming down from that estrogen high, i realized that i do love you. it's not estrogen talking all the time. it's me. like the real me, as opposed to the made up me that is seen walking around the streets of Little Rock, Arkansas. but, as i said earlier, i'm not asking anyone out ever again. and i think you've had ample time to do something about it, should the notion have ever crossed your mind. nothing has happened, so the notion never crossed, therefore, my feelings are irrelevant. and by not hanging them out there on some sort of banner, i'm saving myself a lot of face and embarassment and heartache. i just wish i could figure out how to stop loving you. how to stop caring. how to stop thinking. how to stop questioning. how to stop...just stop.

how i got from high fidelity to that is a big tangled web. but now it's kinda sorta in writing, which sometimes means i've sorted something out in my brain and can sleep better at night!

this cathartic session is brought to you by the great taste of vanilla coke.

fantasy vs. reality

do you ever stop and step back and look at what you've done with yourself and wonder is this real? like you tell yourself something over and over to the point that you believe it. hypocondriacs do that all the time to convince themselves they are sick, but i think i do that to make myself sound better than what i really am.

now, don't make that sound like i'm going around telling everyone how great i am. i really don't do that. i do stretch the truth on occassion. i think it's because i want to make myself sound like less of a loser. i've tried to stop, but it's hard to when you've got secrets that no one else knows and you don't want those secrets to come out so you just make up some story to match whoever you're talking with and take the focus off of yourself.

i'm trying to think of a hypothetical that is completely not related to the information i keep inside, but it's hard to really.

i just feel really guilty about not telling the complete, honest truth. and i only know of one person that knows that truth. everyone else has been led astray. why on earth do i feel so bad about this today? i guess we were talking about things at work and those people are expecting more from me than what i give them. i didn't lie...i just answer questions with open responses so people can form their own conclusions. it's not my fault if they have misconceptions.

i don't trust anyone with the truth really...except for that one person that already knows everything there is to know.

gawww i just don't know. i'm afraid that i'll dig my hole so deep that if i ever did feel like coming out (not in a lesbian way) and fessing up, then it'll sound even worse.

but in a way, they're not a fantasy, these stories i tell. the questions i ask usually get open ended answers too, so i'm just drawing my own conclusions. and i guess they could be completely wrong because i've never been told they were completely right. no one ever said they were wrong either.

so i guess i need solid answers before i start beating myself up about my conclusions. i just don't have the nerve to ask the solid questions or something.

have i confused you yet? i know i am.

Sunday, May 25, 2003

joan jett? she still makes music?

i went to riverfest today. i haven't been all weekend, and i was almost not motivated enough to go earlier. but i did go. it was pretty good. i just roamed around for a while and then got myself a seat at the ampitheater. i saw joan jett perform and the symphony and some jimi hendrix tribute. joan jett was better than i thought she would be. she looks good for her age!

what is this show on cartoon network with a talking cup of whatever and a talking box of french fries and a talking blob of meat? if you have any idea, let me know but i'm kind of liking it. it's adult swim i know. anything after that i dunno.

i saw a bunch of mullets at riverfest. i'm thinking about making some sort of funny webpage with pictures of people and their mullets. i saw a great website about trailers in mississippi so of course i immediately thought of mullets in arkansas! i took a few pictures of people..i'll post a link when i get a page built.

the fireworks were really pretty and the symphony was just awesome. i think that's usually my favorite part of the whole festival every year. i am thinking about volunteering to work with the festival next year. it would be a lot of work, but i'm sure a lot of fun at the same time.

yesterday, saturday, i helped clean my parents' backyard up. mom got a cover put over her patio, so she wants to have a party tomorrow and show it off. so we spent the entire day trimming trees and weeding flowerbeds and moving plants around. it was hard work! my job was to move the stone walkway so they could mow the grass and my arms are so achy tonight. it wasn't bad yesterday, so i guess it was waiting to attack.

so yeah, tomorrow i'm going to the party at my parents house to i guess celebrate the fact she got a neat covered patio.

and then i only have to work 7 more days before i go on vacation.

and i'm getting my hair "thermal straightened" on friday so i can have permanently straight hair! woo! it's a miracle if it works.

<3