Thursday, November 24, 2005

it's so sad, and so frustrating

i went to visit my grandma in the hospital this afternoon and it was just depressing. she fell and cracked her pelvic bone and is now living in a rehab center at baptist hospital. she's only 87, so a speedy recovery is definitely out of the question. she didn't have much mobility before she fell, and now she's almost helpless.

so anyway...i get to the hospital and she has no idea who i am. she did this on sunday too! my mom blames the painkillers, but i dunno. she kept calling me the name of one of her sister's kids (who would be over the age of 40). i know that she's old and she's totally confused, but it still bothers me that she didn't know me. she also kept seeing things like kids lined up against a wall and a man on a horse riding by. and she speaks gibberish sometimes. it really really sucks.

i never went to visit beth in the hospital or hospice because i didn't want to remember her in that state. i wanted my last memories of her to be the happy, laughing, obnoxious other mom that took good care of me. i do regret not going and saying goodbye to her, but i'm not nearly as messed up about it as i am with my grandma.

grandma will never be the same. if she gets to go home, someone will have to live with her because she can't even get out of bed on her own. i don't like how my mom and her siblings are having to delegate who's turn it is to camp out at the hospital. it's wearing them down.

blah. it's just depressing. she's my last grandparent! she better remember who i am!

Wednesday, November 23, 2005

what i'm thankful for....2005 edition

* my health. better than last year, that's for sure.

* my family. you know...living away from them (even if it is 45 minutes) has really improved our relationship.

* my new job. oh how i love interacting with people and actually going to work during the day. doesn't hurt that i'm practically my own boss and therefore do what i want.

* my friends that don't read this. they deal with my shit more often than you do. i should move them near the top of the list.

* mike. yeah, i know we're not all that best of pals anymore, but i want to thank him for molding me into what i am today. i would have never lost any weight if it wasn't for his guidance, and i still use his plans today.

* russ. for showing me what i was missing out on by being with mike. i still know i'm more fun than a stinkin' ballerina though.

* my michigan wolverine football team! rough start to the season, but i was still impressed with their performance against ohio state. no one thought they had a chance...much less lose in the final 30 seconds. that happened way too often this season. lets have a bowl game against some other team that's down on their luck...how about oklahoma? hehe

* my grandma. she gets her own spot this year. i love her to death. she's grouchy, she's almost immobile, she yells at physical therapists. i know there's not many thanksgivings left for her to celebrate, so thank you grandma, for showing me exactly where i get my mean streak from.

* i'm thankful i never moved to new orleans or any place in louisiana for that matter.

* good music. thanks to kanye and the john mayer trio for keeping me upbeat and chilled during stressful times.

* good ice cream. cold stone creamery & that fudge sundae thingy from marketplace in conway. where have you been all my life?

and of course...
* you. thank you for reading this nonsense. thanks for your comments. thanks for your encouragement and your support. i would be so lost sometimes if i didn't have you. thank you for being a friend....traveled down the road and back agaaaain...

i guess that's how the song goes. i don't exactly watch that show everyday like some people i know...

hope you have a great holiday weekend! be safe!

<3

Sunday, November 20, 2005

halloween '05

here's some pictures that ashlee took during our halloween fun. i am having a great time!



the color is off on this. that's matt in the background. i look possessed sorta. scary!



and that's me and russ. he's obviously handling it a lot better than i am. i look really happy though! see how skinny i am now! haha! i love me :)