Nice girls finish last. Like usual.

I am so mad right now I feel like I could puke. People I thought were my friends, apparently are not and I’m stupid for ever thinking otherwise.

I have no problem loaning people money when I know they’ll pay me back like the next day. it’s not because I have a lot of money, it’s that I’m nice and the person probably needs it more than I do. I don’t know why I do that, it’s stupid.

Well, I helped bt buy a a/c compressor for his car from ebay. I did this because I have an ebay account and it’s not a big deal. He paid me half the money when we did it and the other half I was going to get when the part came in. it came Tuesday and mike delivered it to him and I didn’t go to work yesterday so I didn’t have my money yet. So yesterday afternoon I was talking to mike and he needed some cash to pick up his car from the guy who was fixing it. I know mike will pay me back next day so I was just like tell bt to give you the money he owes me and then you just pay me back. Well that’s not the way bt wants to do it. And if you don’t do it his way, then he’s going to be a dick about doing anything for you. So I have to get dressed, pick mike up from work, drive downtown to bt’s house and get a check, take that check to the bank, find out he’s got insufficient funds, get money out of my savings acct to pay mike, take mike back to bt’s house b/c bt was taking him to get the car. Bt gives mike cash. Which is what he should have fucking done in the first place.

What they do after I left is still up in the air. I went home and I was mad b/c now I’m out twice as much money.

If you heard the bt version of this story, as I did this morning, it sounds nothing like that. He says I called him all afternoon asking for my money. And I was trying to control where he got it from. And how can I have all this nice stuff and be bitching about what he owed me, I obviously am not hurting for cash. (I am though, I have 2.04 in my savings account and 10.00 in my checking account.) he said he’d steal my ipod if he had the chance. then he went on about how mike was using me for my car and my money and how I’ve got no game and I’m a bad lay and how ignorant I am and how I use them for weed (uh yeah I hit a blunt twice…big user there). I don’t care what bt thinks of me, but when he brings up shit that mike supposedly said, then I’m mad.

Mike is out trying to find his car (the crackhead they took it to be fixed has disappeared with it) so I call him when I get back to my desk and ask if he’s my friend and if he’s using me. He says of course he’s my friend and no he’s not using me and I should keep in mind that when bt is pissed he runs his mouth in all directions.

I really am too nice to these people. It’s like I jump through hoops for them, but in this case, when I want someone to do something for me, it’s like pulling teeth. I bought him a tank of gas (35 bucks) b/c he’s the one who usually drives everyone around. I also gave him 20 bucks for gas the one time we went to Memphis. No one else gave him money. I buy that fucker a shake from Sonic every time I go by there during lunch and I never ask for money. I help him out with overtime at work. It’s called kindness. So the one time I do something for him and expect repayment, he comes back with “well, you’re all about the money” blahblah. That’s bullshit. If I was all about the money then I probably wouldn’t even fucking talk to him. I let those fuckers sit in my car and smoke weed at work. I let them drive it around all fucking day Monday and I didn’t complain once. It sounds to me that I’m the one being walked all over instead of him.

I don’t know what to do about mike. Do I trust him and what he tells me? Should I write him off with the rest of the clique? This is exactly why I don’t trust people. I always get burned! Mike’s on his way back here now and I guess we’ll chat later. I know he’s been telling bt things I’ve said and done because I heard bt repeat something I did the other night to everyone. I know what I did was stupid, but fuck, I never imagined everyone and their aunt would know about it. And it’s nothing that bad, it was me being indecisive and when I made a decision, I wanted to change it like 5 mins later. Apparently, that means you have no game. Haha.

Oh well. I had two nice drama free months. I guess I should be thankful for that.

<3

the one where we got kicked out of a bar

yep, you read that correctly. i just hate that my lazy ass is just now getting around to telling the story. here we go:

wednesday, we had a pretty rough day at work, so the clique (as it shall be named - me & mike, BT & april, steve, tisdale) decides that we must go out that night with full intentions of getting drunk.

so at like 6 i go pick up april and we go over to this carwash in the hood to meet up with the boys. (if you've known me for any period of time, does this not sound like a weird story for me to be telling?) the guys are all psyched b/c they got some hydro so we all, minus tis who hasn't gotten there yet, pile into the llac (pronounced LACK..short for cadillac) and smoke a couple. mike brought some crown so april runs to buy a coke and she and i drink that. i couldn't even taste the crown so i figured it has no effect on me. mike downs whatever we couldn't get into the coke bottle. tis shows up.

next stop, we go to legends which is this bar. they have a few pool tables so the guys start playing pool. april and i have a seat at a table to watch. i have a couple of beers and somemore crown & coke. mike has a couple of beers but you can tell that the crown he had earlier was kicking in. when we usually go out with the gang, bill and april are usually all over each other and i just sit back and wish it was me. mike was all over me tho weds night. i think it's partially b/c he was buzzed, but hey, i'm all up for affection, even when both parties are drunk. does that make me a slut? haha

so blahblah, i'm drunk. mike's drunk. BT'shigh. steve and tis start getting hussled to play pool. they lose the first game and give the guy the money and then they start playing again. they lose that game too and the guy wants his money, but steve is like "we didn't bet on this one." so dude gets pissed and starts yelling. mike gives the dude his money and that should have cleared everything up. well steve sits down with me and april and he's bitching about how mike paid the guy. one of the girls that was with the guy comes over to us and starts yelling at steve for not being a good sport or something. well steve flicks her in the forehead and tells her her breath stinks and to get out of his face. it was hilarious. the girl went back to her table crying that he hit her. so that gets everyone else at that table up and they are yelling at our guys. someone says something about niggers and that just pisses BT off even more so he starts yelling even louder. the bouncer finally came over and told everyone to chill and i'm still just sitting at my table watching. well they split for like 2 seconds and then go at it again. the bouncer makes us leave and tells us to never come back.

so we're walking in the parking lot to the car, when someone inside the bar throws a chair or something and it hits the window. then they open the door and yell something at us. i dunno what, i was at the car at this point and ready to get the hell out of there. instead, BT and mike go running back up to the bar to yell at those morons somemore. they tell them we're going to zach's which is another bar and if they want their asses kicked to meet us there.

april and i finally get everyone into the cars and we go to zach's. we have to stand in the parking lot for a while to make sure those other people aren't going to show up. the guys are nice and rialed up at this point, not to mention stoned and/or drunk. we go in the bar and they play somemore pool and i get even MORE drunk b/c mike buys everyone a shot of crown and i'm washing it down with beer. lord. at like midnight, bt & april split with steve. so it's left with me, mike and tis and my car. and mike's still pretty buzzed but not nearly as bad as i am. we leave tis with kim (another friend of ours) and mike and i leave not long after bt & april.

i don't drive, obviously. and mike won't let me go home so i'm forced (oh no!) to spend the night with him. i remember us going to taco bell b/c he was starving and i remember wanting to throw up when i smelled the food. i remember getting to his apartment and when we went in i crashed on the bed. i remember us talking while he was eating but i have no idea what we talked about. i remember him putting me under the covers b/c i was shaking b/c the air conditioner was blowing right on me. i remember him turning down (not off) the tv and getting in bed and pulling me up to the top of the bed so i could lay with him. and yeh i remember us having sex.

he's so cute. i couldn't go home even when i was sober b/c his car was at BT's so i had to spend the night. and he was all cuddling with me and stuff. i know i woke up at some point b/c i forgot where i was and then i saw him and everything was okay. i say he's so cute because all the time he acts like this badass and when he's asleep he looks so calm and happy and sweet. blahblah...we wake up at like 6 and have somemore sex for breakfast and then he gets a shower and we go get his car and he goes off to work and i finally get back to my apartment at 8a. and i usually go to work at 7:15. haha.

so yeh...that's the story about us getting kicked out of a bar.

i've given up drinking for a few days. i never really got sick that night, i did feel like crap the whole next day. carrie was laughing because i'm just now hitting my rebellous phase and i'm 24. it's nice to hit it at this age though b/c i don't live with my parents now so who cares what i do? as long as i don't get arrested, right?

he and i went to see fireworks on the river last night. they weren't all that great i think. and it was so hot and muggy so i didn't want to get close to him and he didn't get all too close to me. we did the silly hand holding when we were walking back to the car, but still, when it's that hot the last thing i want to do is touch someone. icky.

tomorrow night we're going to see the kottonmouth kings @ juanitas. and then saturday night we have tickets for another show @ juanitas. what a fun week! he's trying to talk me into letting him borrow my ipod when he goes to corpus next week. i dunno about that yet. we'll see. i'm crazy for even considering it. he's probably going to take care of my car when i go to NC, so maybe the ipod is a good trial period. i dunno.

i'm starting to wish that we would just make this official and get that part over with. i'm being patient and not whiny though. things evolved this far without me doing anything, so if i just be happy with what i've got, then i'm sure it will move on to the next level. i am happy with what i've got!

i really am happy. like more than ever before. yay!

<3