something positive from hurricane katrina

the voodoo music festival is moving to Memphis! yay! it's halloween weekend, and since i don't work nights anymore, i'm so there. wanna come with?

more information - Voodoo Music Festival

it just sucks that the foos have dropped out of the lineup. maybe someone awesome will be added in their place! weeeee!

<3

twooooo more days of master controlling

i woke up this morning and i was like "i can NOT sit here all day and clean or do laundry and watch tv." so i called my parents, who were watching hurricane rita on fox news and convinced them they needed to get out of the house as well.

i don't mind hanging out with my parents when it's just me and them, and there's no siblings to compete with for attention. my middle brother likes to argue about everything, so you can never have a complete conversation. and my baby brother doesn't usually say much at all except one word answers to your questions. we talk about more stuff now that i don't live there too. i dunno. i guess it's like some adult relationship or something.

i'm still a spoiled brat though. i know this. i honestly wouldn't trade it for the world either.

anyway, mom and i went and saw Just Like Heaven with Reese Witherspoon (Phillippe) and Mark Ruffalo (who's still pretty hot for a hairy geek). it was so cute. i liked it a lot. i never read the paper, so i'm sure since i liked it, Phil Martin hated it, right? anyway...if you want a good date movie, that works. it's not so bad to see with your mom either. and there's this really pretty cover of the Cure's Just like Heaven at the beginning that's sung by some woman. (the end credits have the original version...)

dad went and saw The Man with samuel l. jackson and eugene levy. why...i have no idea. best week ever made fun of it last week saying it was the end of samuel l. jackson's career because it's so bad. dad liked it. so whatever. maybe it's cool for 62 year old men?

we had dinner at Moe's (mmmm....shame on nathan and jarrett for making me addicted to that place) and then we roamed around the mall for a while. i got a skirt and sweater to wear to work next week. that's like the really crappy thing about getting out of master control - i have to buy actual *work* clothes. and the skirts are multiplying in my closet like rabbits. skirts are totally growing on me though. you can wear them so they cover up your pooch (that fat part on your stomach that somehow manages to reveal itself in every pair of jeans/pants/slacks) and that just makes me feel good. hehe. besides....i like looking cute. five years ago, i would have given you the strangest look if you said i'd be talking like this now.

i'm not freaking out so badly at the moment. (thanks to the comment leavers too, by the way) sunday will probably be nerve racking, but i'll manage. that's what i do. i was looking forward to going out saturday with people, but i also told my mom i'd go to my aunt's birthday party...thinking it was going to be in cabot. it's in batesville. i dunno what i'm going to do since i told like 3 different people i'd drop by and say hi on saturday. oh well...all of my weekends are free now! weeee!

did i mention the three enormous zits that popped up on my face yesterday? it's awful. i'd tell you about how they were even painful and i popped two of them today...but that's kinda gross. but not nearly as gross as what nikki wrote about. i almost gagged...but i'm a wimp.

i always wanted to link to a lot of stuff in my posts, but i'm so lazy i don't take the time to put in the web addresses most of the time. nathan is really good at it. i'm practicing, obviously.

i'm listening to XM radio online and i heard a hiliarious new joint earlier where the chorus was "shake your laffy taffy." ah the future of hip hop music....

and thanks to nixon i found out i have the #11 ranked blog in little rock! i beat the natural childbirth (ick!) blog! hooty-hoo!

alright, i'll shut up. gonna go chill at the pool for the last time tomorrow and i need my beauty sleep.

<3

discombobulated.....disconnected...

don't those words basically mean the same thing? someone get a thesaurus and let me know. you have to agree that discombobulated is a fun word to say. like catharsis and plethora, my two favorite words in the whole world.

i'm having my serving of maple and brown sugar oatmeal, and unfortunately it's the healthiest thing i've eaten in like 4 days. carinos, chili's and krispy kremes have somehow infilterated my life again. but it all tastes so good!

i just don't feel right lately. like i'm trying too hard to impress everyone.

i'm really scared about what's going to be going on in the next few weeks. i was excited like two weeks ago, now reality is setting in and i don't like transition periods.

and it's not just starting the new job that's scary. that's actually on the bottom of my list. here's the list:

1. social life. will my friends want to see me all the time since i'm off at night again? are these people really my friends? do i want to be around them still? i don't keep friends very long. usually a year, and then i just move on to different people. and things are definitely different now than they were last time i had tons of free time at night. do i even have any friends left? (yes, i know that's a dumb question because YOU are my friend, but for some reason, in the back of my head..that question lingers) i treated people like crap when i was in a relationship, so now i guess i'm trying to fix all of that.

2. carrie's arrival. i love carrie to death. she's my one and only girl friend (besides the gay guys, who get their own queen category). i don't want us living together to ruin that, but i'm afraid that i'm going to screw that up. i haven't lived with anyone in 5 years! i'm selfish! i get annoyed when i stay the night at other people's houses! i don't know where i'm going to put her things or how we're going to get ready for work in the morning. i guess it will be better in december when we move to a bigger place, but will i be able to last until then? i want to share my space and my stuff, but i'm really afraid i'm going to come across like she's invading my territory. i don't want to be like that! i need her around to keep me balanced and less of a tomboy!

3. the "m-word." i've decided that the person i used to go out with will have to be refered to as the "m-word" now. not because rex said he'd freak if he ever read this blog, but because i need to phase him out. yeah, i know i've said this 90 million times, but i'm starting to realize that it's true. took me long enough. why now? running into him the other night is part of it. i'm scared to move on because i don't know what things are going to be like without him. am i going to regain those 60 lbs? (probably, if i keep up with the donuts) is anyone ever going to want me again? are all of the people i ditched last year going to welcome me back into their circle? everything was safe then. if i wanted to see a movie, i was guarenteed a date. if i wanted to go see blue october at juanitas, he'd complain, but he'd go. now i have to take initiative and cater to myself again. i lost myself in him. i guess that's what it comes down to. now i'm scared to be me because i just want to be liked! i don't think i miss him so much as i miss the concept of having someone around all the time. and there's really no one in my life that i want to fill that with, so i'm trying to fill it with as many people as possible.

4. my weight loss. is it going to stop because i work during the day? am i going to be too lazy to work out after work? should i get up at 4am so i can do something in the morning? i don't want to go back to shopping at lane bryant. i have to stop comforting myself with good food though. there's not enough time in the world to work off donuts and alfredo sauce and fried egg rolls. i need to buy groceries.

5. new job. for obvious new job reasons.



see. i don't feel right because i have all of these thoughts torturing me at all hours of the day and night! i'm scared. i'm depressed sorta. i'm lazy. i'm just...i dunno. i'm not right in the head i guess.

sorry...i guess this is one of those posts that's mainly directed at me. but feel free to share your thoughts. and none of that, you know i'm your friend crap. i know you're my friend! and i appreciate you for it. just know that i'm battling these other demons within myself. thanks.

<3

there's how many bars in little rock that are open at 1am? why is it, the one that my friends go to, just happens to be the one that mike and tis show up at to play pool?

it was alright though. i said hi and that was it. i waited until they left before i went to the bathroom since they were playing pool right by the door.

i just don't want this to become some sort of pattern. rar!

i'm sleepy and full of beer (that i somehow manage to drink in an hour), so i'm out.

<3