merry christmas!

i will probably be considerably less bored this weekend than i am right now, so i thought i'd go ahead and get this christmas post out of the way. i'm at work. it's not quite 8am and there's 2 other people here besides me. i think we might make a grand total of 6 today (out of 20ish). i believe that indicates that i should leave at noon. excellent idea!

i was in a pretty shitty mood all week, but right now i feel good. i want to stay positive. no one likes a debbie downer during the holidays! besides, the glass is, for the most part, half full in the area that has been bringing me down.

for some reason, a lack of a response indicates something bad. who says it's bad though? is it human nature to automatically assume the worst? maybe one day i'll break that habit.

new years is going to be crazy if i go with the guys from work to the Peabody. I want more people there, so if you've got $40 to drop, c'monnn! i need a straight boy to kiss at midnight! (although, i wont' complain about the gay ones...kisses are kisses when you've been drinking)

anyway...i said i was good right? i think the christmas spirit has taken ahold of me and shaken all of the bah humbugs right out.

i just feel...content. not necessarily complete b/c i'm always wanting more, but enough is right with the world.

i want to wish you a merry christmas and happy holiday. i hope you cherish the time spent with family and friends, because as we all know, it doesn't last forever. make some good memories! take lots of pictures! sleep in (the hardest part for me...hehe)! cuddle with someone you love (or like a whole whole lot?)! make time for people you don't get to see on a daily basis! just be happy for what you have, and not what you didn't get.

i love you all! thanks for reading for another year!

<3

new years

i'm 80% sure that i'm going to the Peabody for New Years to party with my former employer, Alice 107.7 (and the rest of the citadel gang). a few people from work want to go, and i'm not sitting at home alone, so it sounds good.

that 20% of doubt depends on a certain person named Phil and whether or not he wants to come to little rock that weekend. *not so subtile hint* haha

<3

the best SNL skit of the year

and it's not even a skit. haha. anyway, if you missed saturday night live last weekend, you need to check this out.

The Chronic - what? - cles of Narnia.

i was crying i was laughing so hard the first time i saw it. it's just so hilarious.

hope you like!

<3

well he ain't so bad after all

ok, i admit it. i'm a drama queen. everything is kosher. i promise to learn to be more patient and let things develop instead of forcing to know answers now. please bear with me during these trying times. hehe ;)

thank you and goodnight.

<3

learning curve

i'll admit, i'm pretty slow when it comes to learning new things. i used to be fast, but i think the lack of organized schooling has made me incredibly lazy and my brain just doesn't like to learn anything anymore. or maybe it's my stubbornness. like i'll understand everything, i just won't absorb it because i have to see the point right then and there. if there's no point, why do i care?

i'm still in fort smith. i need to go home. something's missing though. i had all these doubts about coming here and i somehow managed to push them away so i could get out of the house. now that the weekend is over, i'll just say some questions have been answered. good or bad thing, you ask? good for me, probably not so good for other parties involved. haha. how's that for a generic answer?

i'm realizing more and more what i want and don't want out of life and relationships. you always think you know, until you're put in a situation that questions that knowledge. i thought i knew, until i started overanalyzing things on the 3 hour drive, and some of those things really weren't blown that badly out of proportion.

yeah. could i not get to the point any better than that? this is not where i should be right now. i should not be in fort smith. i should not be messing around with phil. i should not have imagined things were ever going to be anything other than what they were two weeks ago. i have a need to feel important. and i don't feel that important when he rather sleep than cuddle. or he has all these errands to run today, even though i'm still here, which makes me have to leave sooner than i thought. and yeah, those things just came up at the last minute. but he was considering working today too. i'm not mad. i just feel like i've been shafted. i sacrifice this blahblah and this is what i get in return?

he's still great and a lot of fun to hang out with. i hope we can still be friends, just this whole other part of our relationship is going to end. now why couldn't i just come out and say that before? because he reads this and i'm sure these are words that will never come out of my mouth. i'm pretty detatched sometimes, but he's like 9083425 times worse. i wouldn't mind a long distance relationship b/c i don't like having someone around 24/7. i just expect that when we do get time to be together, we make the most of out of it because it'll be a long time before we do it again. you know?

off that topic -

i saw ross, which totally made my day yesterday. we haven't hung out i guess since that day we had on the border, right before mike and i broke up. i wish we could have hung out longer than a couple of hours! i think we did good though :) he needs to come by and see my new apartment now!

and freakin Mash, fallon and jo the dirty whore never called me back last night! you can't blame me for being a snob now!

and russ is still alive. i talked to him for a few minutes yesterday. i cut him off because i had something better to do, like take a shower. haha. that did feel good, so there were lots of positive things that came out of this weekend.

i'll try to post again before christmas, but in case my life gets so boring and i don't, i hope you have a merry one. i work 5 days this week and 3 the next! wee!

and if anyone knows anything about this new years party at the peabody...can you let me know? from what i've heard, that's where i want to be, but i want to know what i'm getting for my $40.

<3